Missed ANOTHER appointment - Invites received in Mail not showing in iCal

I missed an appointment this morning, and it's because of a bug in Mail/iCal.
This is how it's supposed to work:
- iCal collects invitations from Mail.
- The invites show up in the notifications area and also show up in "gray" in the calendar pane.
- You can Accept/Decline within the notifications area or by double-clicking the gray appointment.
Unfortunately this is NOT working for me. It used to work beautifully. Then I started missing occasional invitations. Now it seems rare that it works.
Note: I have a very large mailbox, and a lot of the missed invitations are being sent from Outlook. However many missed appointments are also being sent from another iCal user.
I've seen this issue reported elsewhere, but without resolution:
(related but not the same): http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?messageID=11583205&#11583205
(identical issue, posted 09/2009, a re-post from 8 months earlier):
http://discussions.apple.com/thread.jspa?messageID=9935599&tstart=0
When is apple going to fix this? I run my business on this platform and just spent an hour figuring out how I missed an important meeting. I dug through the forums, found the above unanswered issues, and now I'm posting this detailed message in hopes that it will be fixed.

Unfortunately, .ics files, which is how iCal invites are sent +as attachments+, are not recognized by the Mail app on the iPhone. Only Apple can alter that.
You can submit feedback to Apple: http://www.apple.com/feedback/iphone.html.
Note that the New Invitation Alerts setting on the iPhone applies to calendar invites sent via MobileMe or MS Exchange (those are true calendar invites, not email attachments).

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