Multiple iTunes and multiple iPhones......... HELP!! (with syncing, I think....)

You will have to forgive me but I am intensely frustrated at the moment and ready to grab all the technology I own and drop it off a bridge! I don't have the time nor the interest to go thru endless tutorials, and non descript help files that are anything but helpful.
Here is my problem in a nutshell. I have 3 different computers running 3 different iTunes. At least I think they are all different. Anyway, there are two primary iPhones that connect to these computers. Each has different content on the computer and phone. Two laptops (Windows 7) machines, do most of the syncing. My phone on my laptop and my daughters on my wife's / daughter's laptop. Sounds pretty straight forward I would have thought. I believe all purchases and signons are under one name and password.
We have a third, older desk top running XP. My daughter has music on both their laptop and older desk top. There seems to be a problem with attaching her iPhone to the old desk top. I can't highlight individual songs and move them to her phone. I just get a "O" with a line through it. The old do not strike through. I don't get it. I believe that home sharing is running on all three machines..... I don't know what to look at. It's driving me crazy! If anyone has a suggestion........
Thanks,
Neil

Well I guess this sort of solves the problem but it now brings into question this "Family Sharing" function and authorizing up to five computers. Personally I don't understand the logic behind that. If it's my account, it should accept it in my mind. (Maybe someone is listening...) i can understand not allowing unrelated connections. I will also say, again if someone is listening, the Apple Help Files are just as bad as anyone elses.
Appreciate the reply, I can stop doing things now.....

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