My songs are disappearing from my iphone

For some reason when I plugged in my iphone the other day half the songs had exclamation points in itunes and were gone from the phone. so i spent a while fixing all the tracks i lost. on next plug in to sync it happened again, this time every song had exclamation points and wont play on iphone. I may have changed a setting without realizing it. can i undo this? my 2500 songs are still showing in itunes but my external HD has over 10000 songs on it. i dont want all of those on my phone. my 2500 took a long time to build and i dont wanna start over again. since they are still showing when i plug the phone in, there must be a way of resotring them on my iphone? please someone help me!
itunes is such a *****. never again! android so simple just drag the song onto phone folders and thats it! itunes is very sensitive to any setting being changed it throws everything off. i am really frustrated i hope its an easy fix. thanks for help guys

Further to that, I should mention that when I plug it into itunes now, it shows that there are songs on my phone (with the ! next to them) that I have long sing deleted manually from the phone ... why are they suddenly showing up now? And they're not all songs that I purchased through itunes, many are my own songs from mp3s. I know itunes will sometimes show greyed out songs that aren't actually on the phone, but these aren't greyed out, just with a ! next to them.
I'd say at least 300 songs have the ! next to them now and have disappeared from my iphone in the last day. All I've found is that the ! means that itunes can't find the source file for the songs, but why would that be a problem when I am actually looking at the device on itunes ... I don't actually use itunes to play music on my computer and the source is always the phone, that and I manually manage my music on my phone, so it doesn't try to automatically sync with a particular folder.
So I'm really confused why some songs are effected by this and others aren't, I mean I can delete the songs with the ! and readd them and they show up on my phone again, but who's to say they just won't delete themselves in a day or so again like before.

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My songs are disappearing from my iphone

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