Need help using Apple Remote Desktop for remote family members

I am new to ARD and need help. I know there are solutions to do what I am trying to do through LogMeIn and Teamviewer - but I have LogMein right now and the free edtition is going away and I think Teamviewer will do the same sooner or later. I have remote desktop but hadnt used it, so I thought it would be a good thing to implement so I wont have to worry about paying fees for services like LogMein or teamviewer down the road. Long story short I need to be able to remote help friends and family members with their macs and using applications, mostly through screen sharing and control and file sharing. All of the folks id like to help have home ( not business style ) internet service whith DHCP and non-static IP's. I have set this up for myselft to test it and I can be at work and search my homes IP address and I can see all the macs with ARD on them and it all works perfectly. I have a mac mini running Lion Server so the ports are forwarded to that server at my home - this is the only think I can think of that is making my home work and my friends not. But when I try to help my friends and family after I type in their IP and it scans it sees their computer - ( it shows a grayed out icon and their IP ) but nothing else. I cannot control or screen share. It says it cannot verify. I helped my friends put the ARD client ( most up to date client ) on their macs as well. I was hoping that using ARD would mean not haivng to set up my friends and family's routers for port fowarding and all those details. Is there anything I can do using ARD to be able to type in my friends IP address have it scan and then see all their MACS at their home and pick the one that needs attention/ help, without port forwarding or heavy set up ? I guess the root question here is how or what is best way to set up ARD to be used to help people remotley when they are all home users as well, no port forwarding, no static-IP, that kinda thing.
Any help is appreciated - Im trying to use ARD and not a 3rd party app since im afraid even if they are free now they wont stay that way. Please let me know throughts and sugesstions ;p)

I poked around a bit and the file seems to be:
/Library/Application Support/Macromedia/mms.cfg
I'd like to get some confirmation from Adobe that this is the correct file to push, though (it seems like it as it only contains this):
AutoUpdateDisable=0
SilentAutoUpdateEnable=1

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