New email account just won't work

I've been using an email account on my mac for years, as well as my .mac account as a secondary email. both worked fine. my missus has now opened an account with virginbroadband and we get all of our email, phone, broadband from them. everything works except her email.
we've been onto their tech heloand they don't know what the problem is. if we go to their website and log in to her webmail the account is working fine and we ca see all the greetings messages etc, but we've set up a new email address on my mac but it won't connect - the account name in the 'mailbox > inbox' column on the left shows my account, fine, but next to hers is i litlle zigzag meaning can't connect. when you try, it asks for a password; we put in the same password that works on the webmail but it says password rejected in Mail.
Virgin have reset the password, without success. I went in to her webmail and changed the password to something completely different, but that hasn't worked either.
Any ideas anyone, because virgin broadband don't have any idea!
and by the way, i went into a virgin broadband shop and asked and they had less idea than me 13 year old son!!!

Lots of sensible questions and suggestions, but unfortunately no luck!
I've deleted and just remade the dodgy account. no luck.
The answers to alll the other questions are 'yes'!
then i ran connection doctor - it shows 4 connections, two are my .me account (i guess that's incoming and outgoing for my own email account?) and two connections for VirginMedia, one of which says "connection to this server succeeded, log in not required" while the other says "trying to log in to this pop account failed. Verify that the username and password are correct". They are the same username and password that work if i go to webmail in safari.
the relevant part of the connection doctor details seem to be "READ Apr 17 18:59:02.539 [kCFStreamSocketSecurityLevelNegotiatedSSL] -- host:pop3.virginmedia.com -- port:995 -- socket:0x1181be8d0 -- thread:0x1181d9760
-ERR [AUTH] Username and password not accepted."
not that any of that means much to me except "computer says no".

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