New laptop, old=dead,

Hello! A two-part question here really...
First of all, I have an iPhone4 which is synced to computer X
- Computer X died
- I now use Computer Y (No i don't have the original iTunes library)
- I have lots of apps, music, games and the usual SMS etc on iPhone4
Question 1:
- How do I transfer EVERYTHING from iPhone4 to Computer Y WITHOUT losing ANYTHING on iPhone4?
- I need to update the software on iPhone4 but iTunes threatens me with the usual "I'll delete your soul and everything you value on your phone", old classic!
- How can i update iPhone4 without losing my game saves, music and everything else?
Question 2:
- iPhone4's warranty recently expired, so to celebrate this milestone in its life the lock button naturally has broken. This, along with other things means I may buy the new iPhone 4S.
- If i do, how can i move EVERYTHING from iPhone4 to Computer Y, then sync this potential new iPhone 4S to Computer Y WITHOUT losing a single thing, including my game progresses/saves, all apps' settings, music, SMS messages yada yada yada from iPhone4?
Many thanks in advance for your help, while I'm waiting I'll sit serenely and reminisce fondly the days when i could DRAG-and-DROP from my nokia Nserieses
Ben

Whilst I was tempted to wait a little longer to see who else got themselves in such high dudgeon over my post, I must say that the analogies you made are... bordering on the absurd!
Firstly regarding your "burnt down house" scenario, my "house" is in fact perfectly intact, it's just that all of my furniture is "locked" inside! I want to upgrade my iphone's software without erasing it. So in your terms; "move my furniture outside, paint the walls, re-carpet the floors, then bring all of my furniture back in". I wouldn't want to pay a lorry to drive around the block with my furniture while I paint it, would I?
Secondly, your "car insurance" scenario is also incorrect, since you wrongly assume that I want what's on the computer (the 'crashed' car or the 'burnt down house'), whereas I actually want the data from the iphone, which is there, intact on the phone, I just can't get it!
To summarise: I bought a house, fully furnished, but the seller didn't give me the keys!
None of this is intended as a personal attack on anyone, as I'm annoyed with the iPhone, not any of the posters here!

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