Porblem: 3Gs not recognised AT ALL after updating itunes and trying to update phone

Have updated itunes and tried to update Iphone 3gs.  Now I have connect to itunes display on iphone, and when I connect, I get "new hardware not recognized", "iphone in recovery mode", and device does not come up in itunes.  In device manager "?!" are shown in "other devices" next to "iphone in recover mode".
Any ideas?  I've been trying all day to fix this.
Currrently when I plug in the Iphone, the computer completely ignores it and no reaction, so seems to have got a bit worse!
I'm using PC, Win XP SP2.
I've tried all my USB ports, and various fixes I've found online, but happy to keep trying them if you have any ideas???!?!!?!
At the moment my iphone is dead/blank/part restored, so can't do any solutions that require the functions of the phone.

Thanks wjosten.  I've now been through all this, and there was a lot of old 3d party phone stuff to remove.
However, I have not progressed really.  Any other thoughts on this please?

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