Remote app for iPhone not connecting correctly

I use the Remote app to connect to my iTunes library. Everything worked fine until about 6 weeks ago, when the whole thing became intermittent. Sometimes it would connect, sometimes it would not.
I have the remote app on my iPhone 4S running latest version IOS and my wife on her iPhone 3G running whatever version that model is capped at. I also now have an iPad 3. none of them connect properly but all occasionally.
The iTunes library's I try and connect to are on a Mac mini core duo running lion, a MacBook core duo running snow leopard and a MacBook pro running snow leopard. The network is a airport extreme running both a 5Ghz a standard wi-fi. the Mac mini is connected using Ethernet and wake on LAN is enabled. Home sharing is enabled on all devices
The problem is the same connecting any iPhone /iPad to any Mac computer: the mobile device is paired and sees the iTunes library but fails to connect (most of the time: occasionally it works like a dream).
The only time they connect when I want them to, is if the tunes library has been started, by playing a song. Then the app seems to work okay. In the case of the Mac mini this is tricky as I'm running it purely as an iTunes library with no monitor, keyboard or mouse connected. So I have to turn on my MacBook and screen share to the mini, play a song and THEN the remote app connects; but then it stalls and I can't turn the music off unless I screen share in again! It kind of defeats the object of having the app.
I have tried allowing connections of iTunes on the airport. All firewalls have been turned off. I have updated all the software, reset all devices. I have even rolled back to an older version of remote app. Same problem.
It seems that in using only Apple devices to connect to Apples iTunes with Apples Remote app the software is fundamentally flawed.
I'm at a loss on what to next.
Has anyone got a similar experience? And is there a solution?

As is always the case, it isn't until after I post a question about a problem that I find a solution on my own. Turns out the problem was that I was running the beta version of iTunes 10.1 and just needed to update to the official 10.1 release of iTunes. Oops!

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