Remote problem

hi everyone!
the last 3 days i spent figuring out, how to get my iphone back on my desktop's itunes library, i hope, someone can help me
my whole story:
everything worked perfect. after updating to os3 i had these strange wifi-problems. i brought it back, and after 4 weeks i got a new one back. everything seemed perfect again, but then i then i tried to start connecting via remote, but my iphone just shows up on my laptop.
because this was the only reason to change my iphone, i seriously tried everything, to make it work again. so i checked firewall settings, router settings, re-installed itunes, and then the whole computer.
now in win7 i had the same problem, so i again checked a lot of preferences, but did not suceed.
i am using a thomson cable router, getting my ip adresses automatically and have ssid/wpa2 running.
however, i hope someone can help me getting my phone back to my standard desktop.
thanks in advance
andrew

Hi everyone !
Have the same problem since I updated iTunes to version 9 (and sup.) and iPhone OS to version 3 (and sup.).
I can enter the code on iTunes, then after telling me I can remote control my iTunes from my iPhone, I cannot connect and allways have the same message "can't find the library".
What I've already done :
- completely reinstall my computer
- deactivate Windows firewall and Base Filtering Engine, then restart it
- deactivate my router firewall
- deactivate any filter on my router, then reboot it
- delete Remote from my iPhone, reboot it, then reinstall Remote, and reboot again
- activate library share on iTunes
- activate public folders share on Windows
- remove sim card to be sure to use wifi, and only wifi
- enter the 4 digits code on iTunes (worked)
- still the same message on iPhone : can't find the library
I've seen many posts saying that the computer needs to been wifi connected, and not via Ethernet. Is it true ??? It perfectly worked with older versions of these programs, why would Apple have made a change like this ??
Anyone with an idea ???

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