Same old question, but a little different I think

I see that there are many, many questions about how to manage multiple computers and iPhones.  To be honest, the answers leave me a little confused, as I have tried a couple of the suggestions and nothing has helped my specific situation.  So I apologize if I'm being repetitive but please bear with me.
Until recently we had one desktop with one version of iTunes that had everyone's songs on it (we're a family of 4).  In the last few months everyone has gotten iPhones, and my daughter just got a laptop, and this is where the confusion begins.  Everyone used the main iTunes account to sync up with their devices, then we started creating new accounts and nobody can get what they need anymore.
It looks like currently all music and apps are on my wife's iTunes account.  The rest of us have some smaller subsets based on what we were authorized to load back onto iTunes (desktop) after loading stuff from my wife's iTunes account.  I think ideally what I would like to be able to do is have four separate iTunes accounts - each accessible from our individual desktop accounts (and my daughter's also from her laptop).  I'd like to be able to take all the songs and apps from the main account & dole them out to who they belong to, then have each of our devices linked to our own iTunes account.  So everything separate, BUT then I'd like to have the ability to share songs or apps between our accounts through directories when we want to.
Does any of this make sense?  I don't know if our needs are realistic in general, if I need to back everything up and start from scratch, or how I do any of this.  I feel kind of dense that I can't figure this out.  Any help that can be offered would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

I use Handbrake (not available for Windows yet) or alternatively you could use quicktime pro
800 MHz PowerPC G4   Mac OS X (10.4.4)   NEC DVD_RW ND-4550A - 30gb Ipod Video

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