Screen Sharing with Back to my Mac

This little detail is  different under 10.7 than 10.6, it has taken me some hours of frustration to sort out by trial and error. I haven't seen it documented anywhere.
When a Back to my Mac user connects  to another Mac to share the screen, if the userid used for the sharing connection is the same as the active user on the shared system, then sharing starts immediately upon successful authentication. If the userid used for the sharing connection is different than the active user, then the active user must give permission for screen sharing to start.
One of the consequences is that a sharing only user ID can only be used to start unattended access if the unattended machine is at the login screen.
This is in contrast to 10.6, where any userid can start  screen sharing without permission of the active user.

Editing original post:
I'm trying to access my home Mac Mini from outside the home using a Macbook. I'm trying to use Leopard's screen sharing using .Mac and no luck, I can't see my Mac Mini outside my network.
At home, I've got the Mac Mini:
(1) running the latest Leopard
(2) connected to .Mac with Back to My Mac running
(3) File Sharing, Web Sharing, Remote Login, and Remote Management all on
(4) Time Capsule with the latest f/w updates running PPPoE to a DSL modem
At work, I've got the Macbook running:
(1) running the latest Leopard
(2) connected to .Mac with Back to My Mac running
(3) File Sharing, Web Sharing, Remote Login, and Remote Management all on
When I'm at home, I can screen share between Macs no problem. However, at work, I can't see my home Mac Mini. I know that it is possible to get through my company firewall because I can get my Slingbox to work at the office.
Suggestions where to start? I'm kinda stuck.

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