Sent messages not being received from my iPhone

Starting about three weeks ago, I began having sporadic issues with text messages (SMS) and iMessages not going through.  I don't appear to have a problem RECEIVING messages, other than they sometimes are delayed by as much as 20 minutes.
I have been on the phone with AT&T support - they point their fingers directly at Apple.  I have found no help from Apple on the issue (more finger-pointing).
Texts (SMS) to non-iPhone users are 99% working
Texts/Messages to iPhone users who have Messages set up - I can be having a "conversation" with them and the text bubble will change from blue to green... back to blue, back to green from message-to-message.  And about 50% of messages sent via "iMessage" are not going through.
Of interest - it appears that Messages sent via my MacBook Pro are not having the same issue.
One item of possible importance - I had to change my iTunes password right before this problem began (I had posted about an unauthorized movie purchase - which Apple took care of, but forced me to change both my password and to use a different funding source).
It was about that time that messages began to act odd.
I have tried all the settings in the "Messages" settings on my iPhone... turning iMessage off - still some SMS messages don't go through.  I read somewhere to turn off "Send as SMS" and that forces the issue... that imroved the successful sends somewhat.
I tried removing email addresses from the "Send & Receive" address list... no change.  I then added them back... no change.
It all also appears to be totally random. Sometimes all messages go through without a problem... at other times - the problem gets to the point I'm ready to throw my iPhone in the trash.
But all of this still doesn't clearly put the blame on either party...  Is Apple's software tring to swap to SMS for no reason, then not actually sending the message at all?  Or is the iPhone sending the message - but AT&T isn't handling them?  Neither party wants to admit an issue.

Yes - I am aware of (#3) the SMS splitting issue - just thought it rather odd that they come in consistently out of order, regardless of what carrier they come from.
As far as iMesages and Apple system issues - This unforunately is shaping up to be another symptom of internal issues with Apple.  Steve would not have tolerated the inconsistent service.
I went to lunch and completely turned off "use iMessages".  I then sent several SMS messages, all of which were delivered as expected (though my wife received a photo that I had sent her two months ago at the same time!).
I then switched iMessages back on and tested it - and so far, all messages have gone through as they should.  I am wondering if Apple's server issues might have needed some kind of "reset" of my account by going through this again... who knows.
Either way - so much for the old Apple addage "it just works"....

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