Share itunes music across family without sharing other things in the itunes media folder!

I am sick and tired of itunes. seriously! apple just wont let go off its tight control over how I can configure my machine!
i have had to create 3 user accounts on my machine (which is the only mac in my home and only used by me) just because my mom and dad each have an iphone and would want to be able to backup and update their iphones. its simply impossible to get it done from the itunes of a single user account.
now i set the target media folder in each itunes library of each user account to the 'Shared' folder on my mac but it ends up sharing more than just the music. worst, it doesn't handle apps from each account gracefully. consequently, it failed at syncing my dad's apps to his new iphone when i restored the back up from the old one  cause there was some conflict with the same app from my user account and his. thankfully his smartphone needs are minimal and i'll only have to redownload about half a dozen apps. but this is getting more complicated by the day.
i decided to just move the music folder to the shared folder and keep a referenced library but that means that when one user account downloads a track the others cannot access it as the track creates and exists in a new music folder inside the itunes media folder (which is not 'reseted' back to its original location).
so now that i have the apps trauma sorted out my music needs to be manually managed! sigh. i have like 30 gb of PAID FOR itunes music (yes paid music! some legalized using itunes match and nearly half of them purchased) and i dont want my family who stays with me to purchase all of the stuff again.
is there any graceful way of handling this?
Message was edited by: AceNeerav

iTunes: How to share music between different user accounts on a single computer - Apple Support
this article mentions nothing about the conflicts created by the apps.

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