Snychronization from iPhone 3GS to iTunes software

Summary: I transitioned from an old laptop (iTunes 9.1.1.12) to a new laptop (iTunes 9.1.1.12). Per Apple's backup instructions, I successfully backed up the iTunes library on the old laptop to cd-rom and imported the cd-rom to the iTunes software on the new laptop.
During my transition, I experienced the following challenges.
1. My iPhone 3GS (software 3.1.3) has songs and one video. Within iTunes on my new laptop, my iPhone 3GS successfully appears under the devices. Under the Movies tab, I select the checkbox to Sync Movies. The prompt appears, "Are you sure you want to sync movies? All existing movies on the iPhone will be replaced with movies from your iTunes library."
Under Devices, there is the Movies tab: There are no movies currently residing in my iTunes library on my new laptop. Therefore, further action to synchronize will erase the video on my iPhone 3GS! Yikes!
Under Devices, there is the Music tab and Photos tab: Similar prompts appear for music and photo synchronization! Yikes!
What should I perform to avoid this dilemma?
2. My iPhone 3GS (software 3.1.3) does not automatically synchronize when I attached the data cable on my new laptop. On the old laptop, synchronization was automatic when I attached the data cable.
What should I perform to see automatic synchronization?
3. Under Devices, there is the Apps tab: All the application icons are gray! I recall that I could see application icons in full color and rearrange them in iTunes on my old laptop.
What should I perform to see the application icons in iTunes on my new laptop?
Thank you for your support!
Runbeagle

Thanks again.....I tried restarting computer....uninstalling itunes 9.2 reinstalling itunes 9.2 I have backed up / synced the phone 5 times right clicked on the phone icon and selected "transfer purchases"...it temporarily shows transferring www.zillow.com ( which is a free app)....the only apps listed under apps on the left of the screen is the one that i purchased thru the computer....all the rest were purchased thru the iphone....i have about 150 apps on the phone of which i paid for 2/3 of them....im lost (and tired ).......JD

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