Sync Mac and iPhone and backup to iCloud

I've had my iPhone for eight months and it's about time  for me to take advantage of iCloud. I tried this when I first got my iPhone and it didn't work the way I expected. I might have been trying to do toomuch new at once. First I use Apple's iCal and Apple's Address Book. I want to be able to sync changes in both between laptop (Mac) and iPhone, back and forth and backup to iCloud. Last time I tried I think it only synced either changes from iPhone to Laptop or visa versa. My wife has an iPad and iPhone and syncs hers to a different Mac. I guess this would work the same? I probably should get mine solve, then work on hers.
Thanks

This is my calendar list, if it helps.
The private calendar won't sync with anything, it only appears on my mac.
The work home and office calendars sync with iCloud and between all my devices.
The karting calendar syncs with another iCloud account, it will not sync with my primary iCloud event.
Therefore if I create an appointment in either the private or the karting calendars, they will not sync with other devices. I suspect having two work and two home calendars is confusing the matter and you need to turn the correct calendars off and ensure your default calendar in iCal preferences > general is set to the correct calendar so that you aren't creating events in a non iCloud calendar.

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