Syncing IMAP.mac email/ical/contacts across 3 computers - HELP PLEASE

Question

I swear and promise to all of you - I have faithfully combed these discussions for several days now and tried a number of different things - and no can get/find the right answer... tried posting before & didn't help ---
1) have IMAP .mac account - only email I use - and its IMAP everywhere - no POP
2) have iMac G4 at home, eMac at school, and macbook laptop - eMac is only one not running Tiger yet but it's at 10.3.9....
3) I have 2 projects and 3 different classes of students going that all talk to me via email - and I need the same contacts, emails and calendar info on all three machines...
4) I first set up 16 mailboxes LOCALLY ON MY MAIN IMAC G4 COMPUTER, with rules configured for each - main rule is mostly - if sender is a member of group "A" (for example) move the message to group "A" mailbox.... Needless to say - I have these different member groups configured in my addressbook.... Also in a few there are more rules like "if subject line contains this key word - move it to this mailbox" etc....
5) I then set up the EXACT SAME mailboxes and rules ON THE .MAC SERVER (meaning on the giant cyberspace mailbox in the sky where everything is supposed to go)
to repeat - I have 16 mailboxes under the little "on my mac icon," and the exact same 16 mailboxes under the little earth globe icon on the server - the .mac icon.... and I did it from scratch - I didn't drag anything down to copy it - it's all original, set up each one and chose the pull down menu bar "set up on server" when it asked "where do you want this mailbox stored."
SOOoooo - when I open mail I have 32 little mailboxes down the side of my mail window........Everybody with me?
6) I then configured the rules to ALSO say - if sender is a member of group A - MOVE message to this group A mailbox stored locally on the computer, then ADDED THE RULE - if sender is member of group A - COPY same message to group A mailbox ON THE SERVER....
ok. I get mail - sometimes correctly, sometimes not... Sometimes the mail I get on a local mailbox doesn't always seem to copy to the same mailbox stored on the server.... Sometimes I don't get the little number flag on the side (the one that says you have 1 message unread etc)- occasionally a piece of mail just shows up in a mailbox without saying its there... Its just weird where things are showing up....
obviously - I'm on the wrong track here....
suggestions?
so.
WHAT HAPPENS ---
IF I ONLY HAVE MAILBOXES SET UP **LOCALLY** ON EACH COMPUTER?
can I see them on all? answer them on all? what happens if I delete a message on one computer - is it still on the other two?
or conversely ---
WHAT IF I ONLY HAVE MAILBOXES ON THE SERVER, none on the local computer?
can I see them all on all three? answer them all on all three? what happens if I delete a message on one computer - is it still on the other two?
ANNNNDDD - THE "SENT" MESSAGES - how do they show up - I often need to backtrack and find info [or remember what I told someone] in a sent message - is there anyway to see my "sent" messages on all three?
Am I out of my mind? Will I be excommunicated forever from the discussions for the length of this post?
FINALLY - (for you blessed blessed persons who might actually have stuck with me thus far) this question is also another aspect of the above --- when I try to SYNC my computers - I keep getting a message that the synchronization is failing, something didn't log on....
So, basically, nothing between the 3 computers is syncing correctly - and I have crucial info in address book, calendar and email I need on all three....
Getting divorced was less easier than this, I swear to God...
Oh please, please please please, I hope someone can help.... Classes start in two days, and so far I have been unable to prep effectively because this hath driven me mad, mad - I tell you, mad mad mad....
Thanks be to these discussions and the selfless, dedicated people who answer.... If I still have valid soul, it is only because of you guys....
my deep gratitude....
mcmaggie
iMac G4 superdrive Mac OS X (10.4.7) iMac G4, Macbook, eMac....

Answer 1

Huh? What are you talking about? What's patronizing about my post? I just pointed out what you seemed to be missing. What's wrong about telling you where is the information that you were missing? How was I supposed to know whether you had read articles that you hadn't mentioned when some of your questions are clearly answered there? And even if I knew you had read them, what's wrong about telling you what you were missing there?
If it's the last sentence that you have a problem with, it seems to me that you missed the smiley at the end. Your post was very long and confusing. Thoroughly reading and understanding it all requires way more effort than usual. My last sentence was just an humorous comment about the fact that I couldn't deal with all of it and I might have missed something.
An answer like this makes me hesitant to post again
Well, at this point, I don't care at all whether you post again or not. I can tell you for sure that I'll never, ever, answer a post from you again, so if that's what you're concerned with, you don't have to worry about that possibility at all...
You might consider trying to check your ego
It seems to me that it's someone else who needs to check his/her ego...