The more they see, the more they ask for.

The iPhone failed to fill the void in my life. I want a refund.
I talked to one of those "Geniuses" at the Apple store and I complained to him, "after spending so much of my money on this thing, and basically breaking up my marriage, you'd think that it would have all the features that my lonely heart thinks it needs!"
And you know what he told me? He said, "instead of being an ungrateful sheep and jumping off the bridge along with everyone else, maybe you should have done some more research or saved your money until the 'real iPhone' comes out, you know, the one where they fix all the bugs after the initial wave of idiots impress their friends with how much money they managed to spend."
After standing there with my mouth open for about 10 minutes in utter shock...I went home. 'Cause he was right. He had me.
Thanks, Steve.

I'm getting rid of my iPhone.
All it has done is brought me trouble. When I'm at work, my boss always yells at me because I'm always checking to make sure all my settings on my iPhone are perfect, because if they're not perfect, my life will fall apart. The customers...I'm sorry, I mean "guests," have complained, but I don't care, I have an iPhone, and they don't which means I'm better than they are. 'Cause they don't have an iPhone. Worthless.
I'm thinking there's no hope for my wife and I to get back together. I can't answer her or anyone else's phone call when I'm out. What if I have it stolen when I pull it out in public? Some piece of garbage that isn't worthy of buying an iPhone rips it out of my hand? I would die. I would literally die without my iPhone. Please don't call me, anyone. I can't afford to have it stolen. The time between when it would be taken from me and the time when I'd either get the same one back or a new one would be too long for me to wait, even if I got one the same day. I can't be without it. What if there's a restaurant I want to look up on the fly? I would look like an idiot if I ask someone on the street if they know of a good place to grab a bite to eat and they pulled out their own iPhone. I would walk away immediately, just mortified.
No, I change my mind, I can't sell it. I can't.
Please, God, don't let anything happen to it, please. It's almost time for me to buy more cleaner for the glass cover. I need something stronger but not too abrasive. I can't have it be dirty. I don't want to be dirty any more. No more impurity in my life. Just iPhone. The iPhone, honestly, is the embodiment of purity. All it wants to do is serve you and make your life easier. How beautiful is that?
No one at work gets it. My wife didn't get it.
That's why I've started to phase people out of my life that just don't understand. I can't be around these people. Just me and the iPhone. That's all I need in this life. Just as long as I have my iPhone, I'll be happy. Otherwise, why live? What's the point? I hate to say it, but I kinda feel sorry for people that don't have one. They aren't worthy, otherwise they'd have one, you know what I mean? Can't afford it? You don't want it bad enough. That's it. Call me when you're worthy. Maybe never 'cause my phone's not ringing, is it?
MacBook / 2 GHz Intel Core 2 Duo / 2 GB 667 MHz /   Mac OS X (10.4.10)   / GarageBand / Pro Tools

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