Two computer sync with iOS4 broken

Until iOS4, I'd sync my 3rd Gen Touch to my home Mac for everything except calendars. Then I'd let it sync to my work XP laptop for only the outlook calendar. Everything was happy and everything happened automatically.
Now, when I connect it to the least recently used computer it has lost the idea that the XP machine should sync the calendar and the Mac should sync the contacts. It does do the music/videos/books/apps/etc on the Mac. When I recheck the contacts or calendars box, I get
"The information on the iPod "....." is synced with another user account. Do you want to sync this iPod with the information from this user account instead...." And it offers an overwrite or a merge mode.
Is there way to return the old behavior? I really only want the contacts synced at home and the calendar at work. Having to go in and check boxes to get the sync to happen is a pain.
Before I realized what was going on, I actually wiped out a few new contacts in my touch, by overwriting rather than merging.
Personally I don't see why Apple doesn't allow syncs to multiple computers (don't say MobileMe. It's not an option at work). I was able to sync two computers to my old Palm for years.

these documents might be of some help with that:
Using iPod with multiple computers
Managing songs manually on iPod
Copying music between authorized computers with iTunes for Windows

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