Two evenings and 9 hours later, still can't connect! Pls help.

Finally managed to get my TC to connect to my network by changing the security settings of my modem to WPA but the backup was hopelessly slow and slowed my internet connection so much that the connection timed out before pages would load, so decided to connect the TC via LAN for the first backup.
However, after the initial set up, when TC restarts, airport utility fails to find it and the amber light continues to flash. After wasting 9 hours on this so far, I’m about to throw the thing out the window. Any help appreciated.
Thanks.

Yes, I have a 2Wire modem/router running as my main wireless connection and have tried connecting the TC to this via LAN in the <==> connection on the TC so I can run the first backup via LAN, but once I configure the TC and try to restart, the TC fails to reconnect and I get the "Airport Utility was unable to find any Apple wireless devices" error message.
I have all firewalls turned off currently.

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