Two iPads, an iPhone, an iPod, and a Nano

First off, Merry Christmas to everyone!
And it has been a very merry christmas for my family (me, my wife, and daughter.)  And this is because my mother gave us super gifts! An iPad for me and my wife, and a Nano for my 6-year-old daughter.  My wife also has an exisiting iPhone 4G, and I have an iPod 4.
I am new to Apple hardware and iTunes; my only experience is with the iPod.  Then came my wife's iPhone (hand-me-down from my sister; factory reset). I was able to sync it with iTunes.  But now comes my biggest probklem - how on earth do I sync all these devices on a single computer, single user (Windows 7)?!  (We both have separate AppleIDs.)
When we opened our new iPads, I synced mine first. Then I synced my wife's.  That was easy enough since both were empty.  But now that we've started downloading and installing our own apps, I'm finding syncing a bit confusing.  I synced my wife's first; then when I synced mine, the apps on the iTunes were all greyed out.  So I did what an apple help article suggested, I created an new iTunes library for myself (press Shift when starting iTunes).  So I got mine synced.  When I tried to sync my wife's, this time her iTunes apps were greyed out.  How come?  I thought hers would be the default library.  Now I'm afraid to sync her iPhone because I might accidentally sync and erase whatever is on our iPads and iPhone.
So, how do I use these?  I want to be able to sync our iPads/iPhone without ever seeing those greyed out icons.  Should I turn off iTunes before syncing with a different unit (ipad,iphone)?  No matter which appleID I use, it still reads iTunes Dad on the top.  Can someone help me out, step by step?  I am really new to this.  (If I have to uninstall iTunes and reinstall it to make things easier, I can do that.)
On a slightly similary note, my daughter's nano came with preloaded songs; my sister set it up, but using her MacPro.  When I try to sync it on our computer, it says it needs to reformat it.  Anyway I can backup the music first before reformatting?
TIA and again, happy holidays to everyone!

I'm really stumped.  I haven't synced my wife's iPad yet, but now when I sync my iPad, everything she downloaded on her iPad was downloaded on the iTunes and synced onto my iPad.  Can someone help me please?

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