Two iPhone, One iTunes Music Library?

Hi there! New here so thanks in advance for any help you can give me.
Both my husband and I have iPhone 3Gs. We do not want to sync everything since we both have different apps as well as different items in contacts, calendars, notes, etc.
All I'd like to do is share our music library by syncing to only one iTunes account. Currently, we use home share, but it's difficult to remember exactly which songs I added to my library so that he can drag them to his phone, then sync.
Is there any way to accomplish syncing JUST MY SONGS/VIDEOS to his iPHONE by connecting his iPhone to MY to my computer?
I'm looking for a way that he could still sync to HIS computer for his apps, calendar, contact, notes information to be stored safely. I'm just looking for an easy way to get our music/videos to both phones without using homeshare.
We do not have MobileMe as we were very unhappy with it and canceled it, not that that has anything to do with it, just trying to anticipate any questions.
Thanks for any help you can give me!

Yes, this is currently what we do. I'm looking for another option. I upload new songs to my iTunes on almost a daily basis. To keep both computers iTunes libraries identical, I would have to go in and delete all HIS music/videos, then via Homeshare, drag all mine over to his. I don't want to have to do this on a daily basis as it's very time consuming.
I'm looking for a way to attach his iPhone to my computer via USB and transfer my SONGS and MOVIES ONLY to his computer. Afterwards, he will need to sync his iPhone to his own computer for his Apps, contacts, calendars, etc.
I'm just not sure if this is even possible.

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Is there a standard way to configure itunes to recognize two separate phones on one account?

If the accounts are different she may have to deauthorize and reauthorize the computer each sync.
I found that with two phones/ipods on one comp it's good to make a playlist for each one so that when syncing I select all in the library and uncheck everything.
Then go to the playlist appropriate and select all, check everything. That way different music on different devices is easy.

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There are two iphones in my household. Only one will show up on the itunes list. When either one is pluged in itunes syncs both the same. How do I make it see two different iphones so each can have different folders?

This didn't happen all by itself. This happened by you choosing to transfer the backup for your roommate's iPhone to your iPhone followed by a sync with your roommate's selections under the various tabs for your roommate's iPhone sync preferences with iTunes selected for and transferred to your iPhone as well. Or you selected to sync contacts with the same supported address book application on the computer as your roommate for your iPhone sync preferences and the same for apps.
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I'm just wondering how to best set-up my iTunes library. I want the library on my TimeCapsule wireless hard drive, and to be able to set this as the library for multiple computers at home. It's a waste of space to have duplicate libraries on both computers.I had this working with an earlier version of iTunes, but its not working now.
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Frank, yes. Only one library of the songs and content if it's stuff from the Music Store.
If the music is your own CD rips, then you can put all the music on a central server and have all the computers connect in on your home network.
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http://home.comcast.net/~foodandart/Network%20Library.jpg - you can see that I haven't added the Clapton, BBC, Roxy Music, etc, to the library lists for the entire house.
The G4 frankenbeast computer in our living room, is the media server for the house and has the stereo system rigged through it and is used to rip vinyl and watch the video. I still have to refresh the libraries in my husband's laptop, and on my main internet computer, so those albums haven't been filed yet.
Of course the caveat here is that I haven't a single item that's purchased through the Music Store and thusly locked down, since I rip my own LP's and CD's, so everything is much more flexible in how I can handle it.
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