Unable to choose a friend's .Mac username to add to buddy list

I'm having trouble trying to chat with a friend who has a .mac username.
I have an AIM username (used to have .mac while it was still free), and a neighbor's is [email protected]
I have her entry in Address Book (although with her username listed as AIM since .Mac isn't a choice), and have exchanged emails with her, but her name is always grayed out in iChat's buddy list, and neither I nor she are able to initiate a chat conversation, even just text chat.
If I try to start a chat, I can type her username, but I don't have a choice between AIM or .Mac in the popup sheet -- I can only select AIM.
I've tried quitting iChat, deleting the com.apple.iChat.SubNet.plist file, then starting iChat again. I've also checked that all the relevant ports are open and that we're not in each other's Blocked Users lists.
What's next?

You have the option to choose between aim and mac in
that window if it concerns your own account.
You only should choose between the aim and .mac
option when you, and here's the solution, get a free
.mac account, and invite your girlfriend by clicking
the + on the buddylist and add her .mac account.
So...
With me having an AIM account, and when I select New Chat With Person..., I won't be able to select .Mac as the service when it asks for her username... correct?
In Address Book, when I try to add her .mac username on her card, I don't have a choice of .mac -- I can choose AIM, Jabber, MSN, ICQ and Yahoo.
As far as I can tell, my old .mac username is still active, as I can make an account in iChat and log in. But, that didn't help either (already tried it before starting this thread).
I've got other buddies already who are on .mac accounts themselves, and I haven't had this problem with them.

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