Unable to see shared library (still)

I tried to continue an old thread that I had started on this topic but it has been archived - http://discussions.apple.com/message.jspa?messageID=9317333#9317333
Anyway, all I want to do is access my iTunes music from another computer on the network. I was never able to do it in the 8.x version and I still can't do it with version 9, even with both PC's having the new "Home Sharing" feature turned on.
I have iTunes on its own (logical) drive, which is shared using "Network sharing and security" dialog box under drive properties. "Share the folder on the network" and "Allow network users to change my files" are both checked.
Under the (Windows XP) firewall settings I have the following exceptions checked on both PC's:
Bonjour, port 5297 and 5298, iTunes and port 3689.
Both computers can see each other across the network and are able to view and transfer files both ways. iTunes on the remote PC can see all shared folders on the host PC including of course the entire iTunes drive and folder structure. I can set my "iTunes Media folder location" to the iTunes folder on the host PC, and it will show the path as \\folder++folder\music which is correct.
I have never been able to get iTunes on the remote PC to show a shared folder available and the host always shows sharing status as "On, no users connected". I tried bypassing the (Lynksys, Etherfast Cable/DSL) Router [wired] but still no change. Why is this so hard??
Any ideas greatly appreciated...

Going through every post I can find that is relevant to home networking here on the forum again...
Tried holding down the shift key while opening iTunes and selecting the library on the host PC, it still shows only the local library on the remote when it opens? I don't get it.
From the remote tried "Add new folder to library" and pointed to the host folder, still get all the songs on the local (remote) PC only.
Checked Norton A/V and Network security settings and it shows iTunes as active connection, an exception in firewall, etc. - just to be sure, I completely disabled both Windows firewall and Norton, still no joy.
Ran network diagnostics on both PC's and they both show everything working.
Please help me!
Message was edited by: diddlefoo

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