Unable to see shared library

Question

I searched for and read about a dozen previous posts on this subject but was unable to find a solution. Not only can I not see any shared library but I don't even have a "shared" menu item on either PC as described in the help file. It should show up under the Library>Music heading?
Both PC's:
...can connect to the internet
...can transfer files back and forth
...can see each others "Shared Docs" directory
...have iTunes and Bonjour listed as exceptions in Windows Firewall
...have the latest verions of iTunes and Bonjour
When I point the iTunes Music Folder location on the 'remote' PC to the iTunes Music Folder on the 'host' PC, it finds it, see's it, and then asks if I want to update (the view)? to match? I said yes. Still the same list of songs that are physically on the remote PC and nowhere does it say anything about sharing or give any indication that it is aware of the host library.
What am I not getting?

Answer 1

"iTunes Sharing, the built-in feature, has nothing to do with pointing your iTunes Music folder setting to a shared folder on another computer. Those are two separate features/capabilities."
Yes, I get that - I was just trying everything I could think of to make it see my shared library.
"do you have Sharing and "Look for shared" turned on in the iTunes Sharing preferences?"
Yes.
"you want to have your iTunes library using the shared folder on your other computer, you need to use the Add Folder to Library command to get the tracks into the iTunes library listing"
Not quite sure what your getting at here. The help file for sharing the entire library gives 3 simple steps and then says "its name appears in the iTunes window (below Shared) on other local computers (in the same subnet) set up to look for shared libraries." - obviously this is not happening.
The whole reason to share and use the host library is specifically to avoid having to manually add tracks/folders from the remote PC.