Updated, now cant vnc/screen share but can ssh

Brand new snow leopard server install. Did some light updating of settings (modified hostname enabled services) and the initial system update to 10.6.4. Restarted and now I CAN SSH to the machine but i CANNOT vnc/screen share to it... it just times out fails to connect and says to make sure that screen sharing is enabled.
Tried the suggestions in this doc but no luck
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT2370
Anyone experience the same? Any tips? Thanks in advance
Edit: I noticed other services are down like web as I had a default page loading before via ip in browser, not sure how to get back into VNC/Screen share to start up and check services
Tried ipfw set disable and ipfw list to see if 5900 was being blocked and it didnt work.

Roman,
I know this is probably a no brainer, have you repaired permissions since you updated to Server 10.6.4?
I have been fussing with a mac mini server for the last month, its is my 1st mac based server and set up is so simple its hard if you know what I mean. In any case my RAD was working and i have been using it over the last week rather then sitting in a cramped corner where the old makeshift server is still being used. After I updated to 6.4 i ran permissions and noticed a warning on my SUID for remote management, thought nothing of it since it was still working. started up VPN now remote is dead so your not alone on this. /kickstart did not work for me either. If you haven't run permissions check them see it it helps and see if you have this line as well.
"Warning: SUID file 'System/Library/CoreServices/RemoteManagement/ARDAgent.app/Contents/MacOS/ARDAg ent' has been modified and will not be repaired."
I got this error immediatly after running repairs after the upgrade. also i have this same error on my laptop running 10.6.4 (non server ed.) so it looks like a bug on apples end

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