UPS "misplaced" my iPhone 5

Question

My iPhone 5 was supposed to be delivered today. Instead, the UPS tracking update reads:
"Merchandise is missing. UPS will notify the sender with additional details. / Package was damaged and is being held at a UPS location."
I called UPS, and customer service clarified by saying that they had the package, but it was now mysteriously empty. They advised me to call Apple, which I did expecting Apple would have a way to quickly and satisfactorily address the problem. But that was not the case.
Apple's customer service rep put me on hold for a long time -- not sure what to read into that, except perhaps this sort of problem doesn't come up frequently enough that they have a streamlined workflow to address it. When she came back, she gave me two options:
First, I could get a refund and try to order a new iPhone online and do the in-store pick up. She made it sound like it would be super easy, but when I called the local Apple Store, they explained that it was a long shot. More like trying to buy small venue tickets to see a stadium rock band -- too many people trying to buy at once, and you have to try at the same time every night.
Second, I could wait while Apple launched an "investigation", after which they would "expidite" a replacement. I asked what they meant by expidite, and she explained that it would somewhere around 2 weeks, which is just a week shorter than the amount of time I've waited already.
So, two options, and both suck. I would've expected Apple would have a better, more customer-friendly solution to this really troubling but it doesn't seem so.
Googling "iphone 5 ups "us that your package was damaged or lost"" yields a couple results from this Discussion board, but the links no longer work, so Apple's probably purging them. But I'm hoping someone from Apple's Customer Service read this and decided to help improve this very frustrating situation.

Answer 1

Since the new fulfillment time is up to a month I really want to avoid going to the back of the line if I can. These things happen, I agree, but I feel Apple (or UPS) should offer a better solution when it does.