Using mac mail with gmail

what i would like to do is this:
when i delete an incoming mail i would like for it to go to all mail with a tag on it for trash later. i don't want it to go right to trash i want to throw the trash away at my discretion. and if the deleted mail are tagged, it's easier to clean up the all mail folder. also, need this to work with mac mail too.
what are the applicable key settings on both side to do this. i am having trouble getting this to happen. thank you.

Try deleting the non working accounts and re-creating them.

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