Volume control on new Wired keyboard?

Hello! I use to have the old short wired keyboard but my cat spilt water on it and half they keys stopped working so we finally got a new one.
When I plugged it in I noticed IMMEDIANTLY the F keys at the top were off and not in the right place, I was able to fix most through System Preferences> Keyboard and mouse< keyboard and changing the hot keys to the right onces BUT I could not figure out how to fix F7-F12 as the volume controls
I looked at many other questions simular and I know one said hey download from http://support.apple.com/downloads/#Keyboard%20update But none of those worked they said can't find your keyboard! and I know someone said try using a program named Spark but after I made the new hotkeys they like.. They didn't work either...
Does anyone know how to fix this? It's a keyboard with numeric keypad and wired NOT wireless.

Boy, they sure have turned Function keys into Rocket Science.
Do you have an Apple Store nearby that'd test the KB on their Macs to be sure it isn't defective?
Supposedly the Fn key combo is supposed to work...
https://discussions.apple.com/thread/2249145?threadID=2249145

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    Shift 2    @ 
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