Want to Completely Start Over

Hi,
This is my first post here. I searched around and couldn't find an exact answer.
I use Windows XP. I got an iPhone about 2 months ago, and before that I had never used iTunes before.
I'm a musician and a music lover, so I'm always wanting to transfer music to and from my iPhone. When I first got my phone, I downloaded iTunes and proceeded to create a huge clusterf*ck. It was transferring every single audio file on my computer to my phone, which I do not want to happen.
I must say that, so far, I've found iTunes incredibly non-intuitive and incredibly confusing.
Anyway, what I would like to do is completely start over if possible. And I'm not just talking about uninstalling and re-installing iTunes. (I've already done that probably 5 or 6 times for various reasons.)
I mean that I want to completely restore my iPhone to its factory settings and start completely over with iTunes as if I'd never used it before.
My biggest complaint is that it's a total, f*cking mess. It searched my entire computer for audio files, and so everything (little sketch recordings of song ideas, etc.) on my PC is showing up in iTunes, which I do not want. I only want the files that are in my "My Music" folder to show up, because those files are neatly organized into folders of albums, etc. As it is now, I have this mess of 283 items in the "song" category in iTunes, and most of them are not songs---they're just scratch recordings or whatever (things I only want on my computer).
So ... I know there's a way to bring the iPhone back to factory settings. But is there a way to do this with iTunes? I remember that the first time I installed it, it asked me some things like where I wanted to look for audio files and things like that. But now when I reinstall it, it doesn't do that anymore.
I really hate the iTunes interface, and I've tried several other alternatives. Sharepod seemed perfect, because I would just love a simple drag/drop interface like that. But unfortunately, it won't work properly for me. It won't recognize my photos, my purchased songs, or my voice memos. And it won't work when I try to copy a song from the PC to my phone.
And, of course, iTunes won't let you copy a song from the phone to your computer (does anyone know why?).
I just want a way to do both of those things in an easy fashion.
For the record, here are the alternatives I've tried, and none of them have worked completely for one reason or another:
Sharepod
Copytrans Manager (this works well, but it won't let you copy songs from the phone to the computer)
iFunbox (worked great for me on everything except music)
Is there a way to completely restart on iTunes as well as my iPhone? If I do this, will I lose the apps I've purchased? Or are they always available to me now from the app store to redownload?
I know this is much more of a ramble than a question, but I'm so frustrated at this point.

No one has any ideas on this?
Thanks

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