What do I do with this phone...

Question

My contract is up in late November and I really hate this phone. I constructed a list of pros/cons.
I can hand write a message and put it on a horse and it will get delivered faster than it takes this phone to start to send a message
The touchscreen sometimes doesn't want to work or it stops working out of nowhere (usually in the middle of a text message).
The phone locks up all the time and sometimes doesn't allow me to open the phone or messaging apps.
It restarts itself while I'm doing something, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm doing something because it also does this while it sits on my table charging and doing nothing more.
It is unreliable in an emergency situation due to the way it constantly freezes and always locks up from the simplest tasks
I am told that I have to keep the phone 1cm away from my body at all times? What is up with that?
The phone overheats all the time from literally doing NOTHING but sitting in my pocket.
The battery lasts 5 hours (on a good day) from very basic use (text messaging, calling)
Text messages don't always send and I don't always receive them.
It takes hours for the phone to charge from 10% to 20%
It's veeeeeeeeeery slow ALL THE TIME.
The front LED buttons (home, back, search) don't light up very bright anymore.
Whoever programmed the messaging app needs to be fired because it loads every single text message and multimedia message ever sent to you by that person every time you open a text message.
Burns my leg after being left in my pocket for 20 minutes.
Two 5-minute youtube videos drains my battery by usually 70%.
Resetting the phone would literally do nothing, it still won't send/receive a few text messages
I can't end a call, I've sat there for a good 10 seconds pressing the 'end' button hoping it would actually end the call.
I have thought about going to a therapist for this phone.
It takes 7 minutes for this phone to turn fully off and back on again. I've performed the test multiple times.
While charging, the phone gets way too hot.
I purposely tell my friends not to buy LG products due to this phone. When they buy a new LG product, I tell them to return it as soon as they possibly can.
This phone sometimes doesn't register a call and starts to do some sort of a weird glitching thing where it tries to determine whether the call has enough time left to ask me if I want to answer it or if the phone should just ignore it overall and never tell me about it.
I read somewhere that this phone is a broken, defective, unfixable hunk of ****.
The 'pros' of this phone:
It's an excellent hand warmer in the winter. Just hold the phone in between your hands and it feels like a nice hand warmer. Careful though, it might burn you.
I can throw it at a wall a million times and it doesn't break! It's a great way to release my anger and I feel like LG knew that people would want to smash it against the wall simply because of how horrible the phone really is.
Other comments:
When my contract is up, I'm going to have a party. I'll hang this phone from a tree and hit it like a pinata and brutally
beat it with every ounce in my body. I will burn it, beat it, and beat it some more. As the grand finale I will
attach a mortar firework to it and enjoy it getting what it deserves.
                    Shut-down:                    12:05:35
                    Fully shut-down:          12:06:08
                    Turned on:                    12:06:09
                    Booted up:                    12:07:47
                    Fully booted up:          12:09:04
                    Receive text messages:          12:12:16
>>Edited to comply with the Verizon Wireless Terms of Service <<
Message was edited by: Verizon Moderator

Answer 1

I can't wait to get a new phone as well. LG Revolution owners should be comped for this phone if Verizon intends to keep them as customers.