What is the best way to manage one library on two computers?

My wife and I recently bought Macbook's, switching from our previous Dell desktop. Now that we have two computers we want a way for both of us to be able to access our iTunes library from our respective computers and add music to our iPods. When I add our music into my Library and set my library to share this only seems to allow her to play the songs on her Macbook but not add them to her iPod. Adding our music to her own library raises the problem of new albums I download not appearing in her library unless she manually adds them. I would like a way we can keep all of our music in one folder (on our Time Capsule) but both be able to download music, have it show up on the other persons library, and add songs to our iPods from our own computers.

When I add our music into my Library and set my library to share this only seems to allow her to play the songs on her Macbook but not add them to her iPod.
Correct. You cannot sync an iPod to a playlist provided by iTunes Sharing. The track must be on the computer to which the iPod is being synchronized.
I would like a way we can keep all of our music in one folder (on our Time Capsule) but both be able to download music, have it show up on the other persons library, and add songs to our iPods from our own computers.
iTunes doesn't have any built-in folder watching capability, so without third-party software help, content added from one computer has to be manually added to iTunes on the other computer. Hazel says it can be set up to add content to iTunes automatically, but I haven't tried it myself.
Alternatively, you can each have your own iTunes library on your own computers and use one of the several third-party utilities to keep the libraries in sync. If that's of interest, post back and I can provide links to the utilities I know of.
Regards.

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