When I add to my iTouch playlist is doesn't show up in iTunes

I like to manually manage my music so I dont use the sync option and never have, but for about a year now when I add a song to my playlist on my iTouch and connect it to iTunes it doesn't show up under "on this iPod". It use to bout a year ago, but after one of those updates it just stopped doing it. Also, when I add a song, iTunes updates ALL my songs, videos, apps and it backs it up... EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have over 3000 songs and it become very annoying to wait 10 sometimes 15 minutes just to add a 3mb song. I gave up a decided to sync everything to see if the problem would be solved but, not only did my music get wiped but it tooks hours to add all my music back AND it still wouldn't sync the playlists. Help!!!
PS. I consider myself to have a lot of experience with the iTouch and iTunes, so don't post stuff like: "reset your iTouch" and "re-install iTunes" unless you KNOW it will work.

They will only be on your computer's iTunes if you put them there. If you are in a country where you can re-download music then they should show under the Purchased Link under Quick Links on the right-hand side of the iTunes store home page on your computer's iTunes. If they don't show there then you can connect your phone to your computer's iTunes and do File > Devices > Transfer Purchases to copy them over.

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