Whitelist for domain names (send and receive)

We have this constant issue where our mail server gets loaded up with emails to and from domains that our in no way connected with ours.
Our external firewall prevents these from going out, but they still remain in the Mail Queue. Is there any way to make a white list so that our domain names need to be included in either the sender OR the receiver and then just delete any other SMTP attempts?
Thanks!
Bonus Question. Is there a program I can install on the server that can tell me what IP addresses are sending those emails?

You're potentially running an open relay, and (if that's the case) you'll want to address that.
The open relay can arise via misconfigured mail server, or via a web vulnerability in some web services thing (content management system, etc) you're running.
It's also possible that the server is correctly configured, and that there's an infected client box operating behind your mail server within your domain, or that's external but authorized to use your mail server.
And the unauthorized variation: being a breached password.
You'll want to secure the mail server first and foremost; filtering the outbound domain in the messages won't be particularly reliable, as these folks will just send from your domain and leave you to a: get your mail server blacklisted and b: deal with the backscatter.
nb: [This question is cross-posted|http://discussions.apple.com/message.jspa?messageID=11693934]

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