Why can't I back up music from my iPhone or iPod to my iTunes?

Happy with my iPhone 4s so far, no battery issue's and an excellent phone but there is one thing I dislike with a passion.
I own more than one computer, I have desktops, laptops and netbooks and I have music I have purchased or recorded from vinyl or backed up from CD on different machines. I want to place this music and videos onto my iPhone to enjoy but when I try to get iTunes to sync it tells me it will delete the music currently on my iPhone for the new playlist? This is ********!
For example if I were to go through the lengthy process of backing up all of my music from my various computers and collections to only one PC and then making a huge playlist just for my iPhone, then my main PC breaks and dies, my only option would be to either never add more music to my iPhone or lose all of the music on my iPhone? And please don't come back with purchases from iTunes will be available, my music collection and everybody else's is much greater than an iTunes collection.
This is the dumbest feature of the iPhone in my opinion and makes functionality a pain.
Is there a work around for this problem? or do you just have to accept you lose everything in the event of a stolen computer or hard disk failure?

Put all your music in one computer liberary, network the computers to use this shared resource so that you can add and remove music from any computer on your network. You are then saving space across all your computers and will be able to keep your music archive well organized.
Back up your music on an external hard drive, USB drive, backup drive or cloud storage just like you would anything else you don't want to lose. Having the music on various computers isn't more safe than having it on one computer. If you have it on one computer and it crashes you lose everything its true, but if you have it on multiple computers you will only lose part of your library but the chances of something going wrong are now upped because you're working with 4 computers. Its good to back everything up anyways.
Sync phone with one computer that has all the networked music in its library. Live long, prosper, grow in the force, etc.

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