Why does updating my itunes always make me lose playlists created on my ipad when i plug it in!!? so annoying.

i am really frustrated with the way the itunes/ipad interface manages playlists.
new playklists i create for my work as a dj and yoga teacher and retreat leader on my ipad don't show up in itunes when i connect the two... and then when i update itunes (something i always dread doing because of the amount of extra work it inevitably creates for me, i LOSE those playlists on my ipad that were not in itunes already!
what's more itunes automatically puts songs and playlists i have deleted from my ipad to create space back on the ipad..... causing storage issues.
to be clear: i don't lose the songs, just the way they are arranged in playlists i use as the soundtracks to my events.
this is annpoying and time consuming.
help!~

but i have 15K songs on my itunes and only want selected playlists on my ipad...
plsu certain songs won't work with my DJ app because of DMR, so i have to create dupes which i erase and then are magically resotred to my ipad anytime i plug it in after updating itunes...
my main point: the automatic synching default is just not useful and takes away the power to have my ipad itunes library contain what i want!

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