Windows Vista - iTunes 8 - Music will not play - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP

I have the lovely Vista, new iTunes 8 and cannot play music. I have uninstalled, reinstalled, tried all the fixes posted elsewhere in the blogs, like repairing, setting quicktime as default etc. I even tried older iTunes (but had an ".itl" issue).
NOTHING works.
Please someone bring wisdom to this iTunes disaster.

You say you tried ALL the fixes, and NONE work. So either there is no fix, or there is and you missed it, or you didn't follow what was written.
My guess is the hardest part is knowing why, describing the problem adequately for others, rather than a general "won't play music."
Troubleshooting iTunes for Windows:
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=305422
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=305491
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=93453
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=304388
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1364 (moving iTunes library)
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=93313
I know there are people that post what amounts to a very complete, thorough "FAQ" of most anything and everything known, too.

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