Working with multiple users and computers, but shared data

Sorry if this is posted in a poor place, I'm not sure where the best place is. This is sort of a general questions.
For a long time, my wife and I have had either one computer, or two machines but one has definitely been just a terminal. We've basically set up all of our data to be one one primary machine, and if we want to view/edit that data we have to use that machine.
We just got a new MacBook Pro and I would like to be able to use two machines as equals. Sadly, this idea of multiple computers, with two users and some shared data is really giving me difficulty. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how to best manage things like:
Synchronizing portions of our contact list (We share about 50% of the combined library -- we don't have to share all though).
How to manage iPhoto so that we can each have access to the photos. As an added difficulty (or maybe this is easier?) my Wife just wants to have access to the pictures for viewing and sharing on Facebook/Picassa/etc. I am the only one who wants to edit, correct and cull our library. That said, I always edit when I first put the data on the machine, and almost never again; so it would be fine to have one (or both accounts) set up as view only for the iPhoto data.
How to manage iTunes so that we can each have access to the music. As a super awesome bonus, it would be great if we could have three libraries: His, Hers and Shared. Maybe as much as 30% of our music library is similar, the rest just gets in the way.
What is the best solution people have found for calendars? (I'm thinking two separate calendars, and we each subscribe to each others iCal feed)
Mail.app and bookmark synching is not really a problem for us.
Two extra points:
* One machine is portable, and the other isn't. Ideally, when the laptop is out of the house, both machines should still have reasonable access to the shared data. That is: Just dumping things in the shared folder won't work because when the laptop is out of the house we will be disconnected from the source data.
* We just got a second iPhone. This means that both of us will be taking photos/video separately and trying to synch back to the master data store.
* Basically, I'm trying to minimize data duplication as much as possible, and just synchronize the systems to each other.
Thanks a ton in advance. If anyone has any suggestions at all, I would love to hear them. Including "This is in the wrong forum, go ask here instead..."

So you have a desktop Mac and a laptop Mac, right? Two user accounts (and a third admin account) on each computer, right?
I profess that I haven't tried this, but here is how I would approach your problem:
Sharing Music and Photos between multiple user accounts on the same computer: 
See if http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=194992 and http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=510993 provide any useful information to assist you in this endeavor.
Sharing across multiple computers:
Turn on file sharing on the Desktop (System Preferences > Sharing). Now you can mount the Desktop as an external drive on the laptop's Desktop. Copy the music and photo folders across. Will take awhile to do the first time. Then, for future use, get a copy of the donationware CarbonCopyCloner or equivalent. You can use CCC to selectively sync specific folders from one computer to the other. There may be a hassle with digital copyright issues on music and movies, though.
Calendars:
As you have suggested yourself, publishing yours and subscribing to hers is probably the best way to do it, on the same computer. Across computers, syncing with CCC or equivalent would probably be the way to go.

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