Can not get relay working. Airport utility gets confused!

I am trying to help my friend setup his two Airport Extremes, using one as a relay. I am not sure what the model numbers they are because I am back at my home right now and I do not have access to them. They are both white and they both have USB ports.
I spent about four hours last night trying to set up one of the base stations as a relay with no success. I kept getting an error message (in the network system preferences control panel) on the one that I was trying to set up as a relay that said it could not connect to the internet because it was using a self-assigned IP address. I could not figure out where is was pulling the IP address from. It was in a range much different than what it should have been. I was expecting to see something in the range of 10.0.0.5 and it was using an IP address that began with 67.x.x.x. Any suggestions on how to resolve this problem?
While I was trying to program the base stations I named them "Downstairs" and "Upstairs" so I could easily tell them apart. While trying to set up the relay it seemed like the Airport Admin Utility (version 4.2 under Panther) kept getting confused as to which one it was programing. I would change certain settings on one of the base stations and after quitting out of the utility and reopening it I would notice that the settings got applied to the wrong one. This happened numerous times and I can assure you that it was not a user error.
Some basic questions about how the Airport relay works.
When a relay is setup and working properly how does the network appear in the airport signal meter in the menu bar, do I see both airports or do I just see the main airport? If when the relay is setup properly you only see the main airport (instead of seeing the actual name of the relay airport in the menubar) how can you tell which airport you are actually connecting to?
If you walk around the house with a laptop will the computer automatically connect to the strongest airport signal or will it lock into just one of them and stay there?

Take a look at the diagram in this article:
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=107454
Note that Apple has specific terminology for base stations in a WDS setup:
- a main base station. This is usually the one connected to the incoming broadband internet service
- a remote base station. This wirelessly extends the range of either a main base station, or a relay base station.
- a relay base station. This connects wirelessly to a main base station, and can itself have remote base stations associated with it.
Your friend has two Airport Extremes. I suspect one is being used as the main base station. Therefore the second is being set up as a remote base station (NOT a relay) using Apple's terminology.
What I suggest:
1. unplug the second Base Station from power
2. use the Airport Admin Utlity to view the configuration of the main base station. Under the Airport tab, make sure the box next to "create a closed network" is NOT checked. Under the Access Control tab, remove ALL entries. Under the WDS tab, remove ALL entries and uncheck all boxes. Update settings to the base station.
3. do a hard reset of the second base station per:
http://docs.info.apple.com/article.html?artnum=107451
4. make sure both base stations and the Airport card equipped Mac being used to perform the configuration are all (for now) located in the same room.
5. run the Airport Setup Assistant. Follow its guidance to configure the second base station as a new base station that "extends" the existing wireless network created by the main base station.
That's it!
In the most common setup, the remote base station will have the same wireless network name and will transmit on the same channel as the main base station. Under the Airport menu you will only ever see ONE wireless network. You can use a wireless network "sniffer" application - it will tell you that there are in fact two different access points and tell you which you are connected to. A WDS network is seamless - as you walk between base stations, the mobile computer will automatically associate with the base station from which it can get a reliable signal connection.

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    a. When setting up the server with Server Assistant, when it asks for Primary DNS and computer name. What am I supposed to put in here? I read one post that recommended that quiting the set-up assistant before this point and doing it manually?
    b. Once I get through the assistant and launch Server Admin, and sign into it using the servers local IP, get into DNS and go to add zones, I am REALLY CONFUSED.
    - I add my primary zone, What is the primary zone? What do I enter here? What about the name server? I do not understand the difference between these 2 things.
    c. Then I go to add my A record for the machine. What should its Machine name be? the same as the primary zone?
    What is the easiest way to get through this? I know that once I this is set up and I can get the wiki to work over the WAN that I am not going to have any problems with the rest. I don't even want to bind the computers to the server if I don't have to. I know that for ichat (jabber); afp and ftp that this is not required since every time I have attempted to get the server up these services worked every time without the binding.

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