I use my iphone when I started itunes. Now I pluged my wifes phone in and it erased everything. How can I get my contact info to hers?

how can I plug my wifes phone puged into itunes when mine seems like the primary?

iCloud never stored music. That is what the iTunes Match service is for.
The only way to get back non-iTunes-purchased music is to import them to your new iTunes library however you did it on your old computer.

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