Multiple mail problems. help!

(1) mail automatically reopens after quitting. computer only a month old, problem more recent, inconcsistent. have on the computer 4 accounts, including imap, pop, gmail.
(2) when mail broswer is open and i click on one inbox, mail sometimes automatically bounces me into another - usually the gmail account.
(3) at home cablevision is isp, connected to wife's computer, she has gmail account. i can connect wirelessly to (protected) home network. when i send email, it always marks wife's gmail account as sender/reply-to. went into gmail and added my account, but that didn't help.
all help much appreciated.

When I connect to the network and attempt to send mail using the
Gmail SMTP server, my emails arrive at their destination not under
my own email address but under my wife's.
This is a Gmail thing. In order to be able to use Gmail's SMTP server with another address, you must first enable that address in Gmail's Settings > Accounts page, and let Gmail validate it by verifying that you do indeed own it. If you don't do this, even though Mail will correctly send the message from the address you specify, Gmail's SMTP server will silently change it to the address associated with the Gmail account that corresponds to the username specified during SMTP authentication, instead of refusing to send the message as other SMTP servers would do in those circumstances.
Back to (1): Is it possible that Mail automaticall reopening after
a quit would connected to my using an IMAP account?
No.
When I open Mail and click on one of their inboxes in the Mail sidebar,
Mail sometimes will not show me the mail in that account inbox but rather
jump to one of the other account inboxes and show me the mail in that one.
I have no idea what's going on here. I've never seen anything like that reported before. Let's look at the contents of your Mail folder and see whether there is something amiss there.
In the Finder, go to ~/Library/Mail/. With that folder open, do Edit > Select All (⌘A), then Edit > Copy (⌘C), and paste it in your reply to this post, to let me see the names of the files and folders present at the root level of the Mail folder.
Before actually posting that information, you may edit it so that the file/folder names do not reveal any details you wish to keep private, e.g. you may replace any real username with "username" to hide your real email address if you wish; similarly, you may disguise any domain names you don't want to be revealed. Try to be consistent in how you disguise those details, though, as we may need to refer to them in subsequent posts.
Now, locate the account folders within ~/Library/Mail/ -- their name begins with the account type (POP, IMAP, Mac), followed by the account username and the incoming mail server. For each account that has this problem, repeat the process to let me see the names of the files and folders it contains.
Note: For those not familiarized with the ~/ notation, it refers to the user's home folder, i.e. ~/Library is the Library folder within the user's home folder.

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    User Name & Password: Enter the username and password for the email address you're setting up (I don't know what these are)
    Outgoing Mail Server settings
    Host Name: relay.plus.net
    User Name & Password: These are optional, but if you want to send mail while on the move (e.g. while connected to mobile or wireless networks), we recommend filling these in.Enter the username and password for the email address you're setting up (I don't know what these are)
    When you're finished, press Next.
    If the box shown below appears, press Yes (you may need to do this twice).
    After a minute or two, your email address will be set up and ready to use.If you chose IMAP when setting up you’ll be able to choose whether you want to use Notes (if you chose POP you’ll be taken back to the settings screen from step 2). Press Save when you’re done.
    That's all you need to do. To start checking your email, go back to your home screen and press Mail.
    Now I fully understand that it may be different for each broadband provider but the processes must be similar.
    The key appears to be in setting up the outgoing message server settings in step 5. Where it says "optional, but if you want to send mail while on the move (e.g. while connected to mobile or wireless networks), we recommend filling these in.
    http://www.plus.net/support/email/setup/ios-setup.shtml#pagetop
    Where it says "we recommend" I think it should read "you must fill these in"
    I went back to Settings - Mail,Contacts, Calenders - click on the offending account and click on the account shown.
    Under OUTGOING MAIL SERVER click on the server, in my case relay.plus.net, and click again to show the details. make sure you enter your user name and password and after a few seconds the account will verify and show a load of ticks.
    I tried this on my phone this morning while on 3G only. I sent an email to another of my addresses and immediately got the response that the message couldn't be sent as the recipient was rejected and the message had been placed in my Outbox. I followed the above steps and immediately heard the satisfying "whoosh" as my mail was sent. 10 seconds later another satisying beep as my e mail arrived at my alternate account.
    Hope this helps anyone else with a similar problem.

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