Syncing to selected contact group wants to delete files outside of it

Hello -
I am trying to sync my iPhone contacts to my address book in a specific way. In my address book, I have my personal contacts - friends and family. I also have mailing list subscribers (which gets into the 1,000s - people with whom I am not personally connected). I copied all of my personal contacts into a separate group and selected that group under the iPhone sync options in iTunes. I also checked the box marked "add contacts created outside of groups in this iPhone to" and again chose the special "personal contacts only" group.
However, when I go to actually sync, I get a pop-up box saying that so many contacts will be added (to my laptop), so many contacts will be modified, and so many contacts will be deleted. Which ones are getting deleted? All the ones that are not on my phone, so basically all of my mailing list, non-personal contacts.
Isn't the point of syncing specific contact groups so that you can have your phone dialogue with that particular folder and nothing else - leaving anything outside of that folder alone?
Just to test it out though, I changed the sync setting to "all contacts" to see what would happen, and I get the same message (it's basically going to delete anything that's on my laptop, but not currently on my phone). Why does this happen? Isn't the whole idea of synchronization that the two devices end up having the same file lists? How can I get the iPhone to populate any contacts I added on it to a specific group on my laptop, and vice versa. Seems like they should populate each others lists with missing pieces, rather than one taking the other one over and deleting, well, anything (unless I tell it to).
And no, I do not have any of the advanced overwrite functions enabled.
Does anybody have a solution to this problem? I'd like to sync my contacts, but obviously don't need 2,000 names of people I don't personally know taking up space on my phone.
Thanks for any advice you all can provide!

I think MobileMe is all or nothing--I asked a chat agent a few months back, and that was the case, haven't seen any reports or UI changes.
Send them feedback--it would be great to select Groups and Calendars.
http://www.apple.com/feedback/mobileme.html

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