GB scans for things that aren't there, and then crashes

I apologize if this question was answered elsewhere - I searched this forum in every way I could think of.
I just got the latest version of GarageBand via an AppleStore download. I went through the whole install procedure, including the "wait, we need to install more" download. I can't freaking start it. It goes through a "scan of audio units" and barfs on some programs I haven't had in 8 years or more.
For context, I recently re-uped my whole system from backup, after getting a creepy viruslike symptom in my Parallels virtual machine. But just to be clear and prevent wasted time of yours and mine - the GarageBand is running in pure Mac OS on pure Mac hardware, without any virtual machine ( I just do that to run my chess software.)
Please, I have done everything known to do:
- searched for any plist file related to garage band and deleted it
- searched for any files ANYWHERE in the system related to the apps it's crashing on, and deleted everything I could find including preferences
These apps that GarageBand demands or chrashes - it's not like I'm cheap because I dont have them anymore. THEY DON'T EXIST anymore. They have been discontinued. But it seems like GB will never start unless I find some way to resurrect defunct apps out of the ether.
Look, GarageBand is not crucially important to me. But I do use it as a convenient scratch pad for my other audio software. And I felt strongly enough about that need to download and pay for a new version from AppStore. Now, I feel completely screwed. Is Apple trying to persuade people to shop for their apps elsewhere? Or to buy non-Apple apps because they will actually work. That's how I feel now.
All I need is a freaking scratchpad. GB formerly provided that to me, and despite my paying for it, it's now dead.

There is the feature of Alternate layouts in Indesign CS6 which saves you alot of time and effort. You may create renditions in the same format tergetting the device dimensions.

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