How to manage 2 iPhones one iTunes account and a shared iPad on iCloud?

My wife and I both have iPhones with separate contact lists but share the same iTunes account. To complicate matters further we also have a shared 'Family iPad'. I have updated my iPhone and iPad to iOS 5 and iCloud. I am unsure what will happen when I update her phone to iOS 5 and iCloud? Will it replace one of our contact list with the others or will it merge the lists resulting in lots of duplicates on both our contact lists? To be honest I'm happy to share calendars, photos, music etc.. But don't want to wipe one of our contact lists. Any advice on how I can manage this going forward so we can both use our iPhones but share the iPad?

I updated iOS 5 to my own phone and my iPad. When I updated it on my wife's phone I made sure I selected for it not to sync contacts, calendars etc... With iCloud when asked during install. once it was installed on my wife's phone I then went into settings and turned on the each thing individually that we wanted to share ie it's useful when she adds a calendar date that it appears on all our devices. However, I left off syncing her contacts with iCloud so we retain separate contacts. Problem is that with you iMessage with people from the iPad it goes to both her phone and mine? Think it may be time for a genius appointment.

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    Hello All!
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