ITouch cannot be updated because it was disconnected, also some extraordinarily long backup problems.

I have a 4th gen ipod touch and i've been having this problem for a while. I'm on 4.3.3 and I don't jailbreak, I buy all my apps etc, but whenever I sync, it won't properly do it. It will start the sync by backing up. Now, I don't actually have a single back up meaning this is technically my 'first' backup. I know that 'first' backups are supposed to take longer, but it either a) takes over 3 hours (i've left it on for this long then gave up) or b) will go through and just before completing, say that the ipod was disconnected and thus was unable to backup. Occasionally, it will go through with the backup when i right click on my iPod in iTunes and select 'back up' but when I go to check everything, including my preferences > devices > backups, nothing has changed. I don't have a single backup on that list, its white and bare.
I don't have a single backup because although I managed to get this iPod fine, new from the apple store and backup for the first time then, after a while it stopped properly syncing, aka this problem. I was then recommended by some random site that I can't recall to delete backups and backup for the 'first' time again. I've also tried clearing some apps to see if that was the problem, as well as emptying some of my photos, but although i've not cleared all the apps nor all the photos, it doesn't seem to make a difference.
When I try to update to 4.3.5, it will extract information, proceed to Back up (step 1 of 5) and somewhere in the backing up process my iPod Touch will reboot and the apple logo plus a loading logo (the white lines arranged in a circular motion, when things are 'loading') ontop will appear. From then on, regularily will my iPod Touch beep with a high pitched noise that I can't put my finger on, but is familiar, until the backup ultimately fails with the message "iTunes could not back up the iPod because it was disconnected."
I've tried different USB ports, I do NOT use a hub. It also does not sync songs as when I try to put more songs on my iPod, it requires to back up. I've also tried clicking the (x) to stop the backup but clicking it doesn't even do anything.
I've wanted to try to restore, but apparently I can't even do that because it TOO requires to back up right after restoration, it will fail the backup and revert my iPod to what it was before.
Please tell me that this is a problem I can fix easily, it's a fairly new iPod Touch.

See here for 
DFU Mode / Unable to Update or Restore
http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1808

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