Malware help

Question

Ok, I am going to pose this question first as a hypothetical, so please resistant insulting me or jumping down my throat.  If someone had malware, a non replicating form of something that seems to be able to remotely access computer, change permissions, pretty much run the show and do whatever they want, and it is on a macbook pro, what would it mean if this malware is resistant to a.)a clean sweep of the harddrive and reinstall from apple internet recovery b.)  a freshly installed SSD c.) a wiped SSD and recovery parition via starting in recovery from Snow Leopard CD that came with macbook, and a fresh install of snow leopard (symptoms arose before maverick was upgraded too and got worse with upgrade.)
Symptoms are vast, and change rapidly, but can be expounded upon.  Most recent, this morning, includes all internet pages, downloads, etc in both Safari and Firefox showing up in german for 5 minutes then switching back, the whole time my ip remains in the US.  Letters from my ISP telling me I have malware connecting out to ports that when googled are associated with XSAN (i am on a one person personal network connected via ethernet with no wi fi enabled and did not know what XSAN was until this).  Persistent loss or complete degradation of processing ability and internet as a result of ddos attacks (teardrop type attacks, and syn floods, all new terms to me explained by isp, but fit what is happening, as my console messages at the time of system freeze indicate "too many threads, etc, indicative of a full cache).  Console that has consistent strange errors that I have tried to ignore everytime the system starts to perform strangely, as I admittedly am usually wrong when trying to interpret error messages, especially when I have one thing in my head I am resistant to other ideas, but continue to weird me out, and have fallen more and more into the pattern: I google, find a very few instances of said message and most have to do with bad things regarding malware etc.  Little snitch investigating showing usereventagents and all kinds of supposed system processes connecting out to weird eastern european ips that when googled all lead to PC spyware posts or network administration sites warning of bot storage locations .  Trying to save any console logs on a USB or desktop often results in corruption.  Consistently get errors I have never seen, both in console and outwardly in apps that key files have been changed.  Rampant graphic problems, like I am using OSX1 with the windows are moving with tracelines not realtime, no opaqueness, etc, that come and go (may be conflict with X11 and maverick and unrelated) (right now everything is running great graphically and do not have x11).  10 minutes ago my printer which I just used a couple hours ago tells me it was misconfigured or something, and then makes me redownloaded and install something and when printing says, "printing from pc" which it never says (prob does usually say this and I am just paranoid now ha).
Things that have been tried with clean installs:
1.)  Assuming i am crazy and systematically ignoring every impulse to investigate, download any security apps, google or even look at console.  Acknowledging the fact that all this started when I first started reading about networking, and prob medical students syndrome, ha.  Am finally forced too when Internet has stopped responding completely and system consistently freezes and will only last 5-10 munutes without hard power down.  (Took about 3 days to reach that state, gets progressively worse).  This whole time had no little snitch, no sophos or clamxav, no dns setttings, standard but strong router settings, no proxies or VPNs or opendns or Tor or anything.  Calls to ISP about internet cutout show me connecting via a proxy at first and then not, but when checked on my end through whatismyisp, terminal, etc etc show normal ip.  Used safari, allowed javascript, but still did not download flash.   Was careful of websites I visited.  Only downloaded from App store.  (So had to sign in with apple id).  Was utimately told by a ceritifed mac technician over the phone that he had no idea what was going on and he had never seen anything like the combo of errors i was getting.
2.)  Doing opposite, and investigating everywthing, using OpenDNS, working with someone in network administration to see packets, using a hardened firefox, little snitch, etc etc. 
3.)  Hardware test via CD that came with 2010 macbook pro.  Came back clean.
All same results basically.  So, if this was happening to someone, would anyone have any advice?  If I was to hook up macbook to anbother macbook via Firewire in Target disk mode and used disk warrior to wipe it, then install via snow leopard CD and updated without my apple id, would this make any difference?
What I am NOT suggesting as that would be stupid, is an EFI level trojan that loads at startup before the OS, something as far as I've read is only theoretical at this point.  If this was the case, would a screen showup at startup in verbose before anything else that says loading from EFI bootloader ACPI :  Long number, or is that completely normal?  Is there anything in a verbose startup that would be indicative, and more importantly, does it matter, ie would it be reversible?
What do i do about internet connectivity?  I have changed passwords about a 100 times, tried just the OS firewall, just the ISP firewall, a combo, litte snitch no little snitch, WPA2 always with AES encryption, no remote administration in router settings, no sharing at all in OS settings, no accesibility for any apps, etc etc, have both enabled and completely disabled wireless from router each for multiple days.
Any help would be appreciated, basically, how do you nuke a macbook, and if that doesn't work, assume hardware failure and get a new one and write it off as unfortunate and weird, and if that doesn't work, move and change your name

Answer 1

As I said repartition and reformat your drive:
Install Mavericks, Lion/Mountain Lion on a New HDD/SDD
Be sure you backup your files to an external drive or second internal drive because the following procedure will remove everything from the hard drive.
Boot to the Internet Recovery HD:
Restart the computer and after the chime press and hold down the COMMAND-OPTION- R keys until a globe appears on the screen. Wait patiently - 15-20 minutes - until the Recovery main menu appears.
Partition and Format the hard drive:
1. Select Disk Utility from the main menu and click on the Continue button.
2. After DU loads select your external hard drive (this is the entry with the mfgr.'s ID and size) from the left side list. Click on the Partition tab in the DU main window.
3. Under the Volume Scheme heading set the number of partitions from the drop down menu to one. Click on the Options button, set the partition scheme to GUID then click on the OK button. Set the format type to Mac OS Extended (Journaled.) Click on the Partition button and wait until the process has completed. Quit DU and return to the main menu.
Reinstall Lion/Mountain Lion. Mavericks: Select Reinstall Lion/Mountain Lion, Mavericks and click on the Install button. Be sure to select the correct drive to use if you have more than one.
Note: You will need an active Internet connection. I suggest using Ethernet if possible because it is three times faster than wireless.
If your model is too old to support Internet Recovery, then use your Snow Leopard DVD instead:
Drive Partition and Format
1. Boot from your OS X Installer Disc. After the installer loads select your language and click on the Continue button.  When the menu bar appears select Disk Utility from the Utilities menu.
2. After DU loads select your hard drive (this is the entry with the mfgr.'s ID and size) from the left side list. Note the SMART status of the drive in DU's status area.  If it does not say "Verified" then the drive is failing or has failed and will need replacing.  SMART info will not be reported  on external drives. Otherwise, click on the Partition tab in the DU main window.
3. Under the Volume Scheme heading set the number of partitions from the drop down menu to one. Click on the Options button, set the partition scheme to GUID then click on the OK button. Set the format type to Mac OS Extended (Journaled.) Click on the Apply button and wait until the process has completed.
4. Select the volume you just created (this is the sub-entry under the drive entry) from the left side list. Click on the Erase tab in the DU main window.
5. Set the format type to Mac OS Extended (Journaled.) Click on the Security button, check the button for Zero Data and click on OK to return to the Erase window.
6. Click on the Erase button. The format process can take up to several hours depending upon the drive size.
Use the computer afterwards as is to see if the problem has been squashed. If so, then be very careful what and how you restore things. Third-party applications should all be re-installed from their source media. Use AV software capable of discovering the most recent infections to scan your data files before restoring them.