SQL User Defined Functions for performing statistical calculations

Hi!
   I hope you can help.  I just wasn’t sure where to go with this question, so I’m hoping you can at least point me in the right direction.
   I’m writing a SQL Server stored procedure that returns information for a facility-wide scorecard-type report.  The row and columns are going to be displayed in a SQL Server Reporting Services report. 
   Each row of information contains “Current Month” and “Previous Month” numbers and a variance column.  Some rows may compare percentages, others whole numbers, others ratios, depending on the metric they’re measuring.  For each row/metric the company has specified whether they want to see a t-test or a chi-squared statistical test to determine whether or not there was a statistically significant difference between the current month and the previous month. 
   My question is this:  Do you know where I can find a set of already-written user defined functions to perform statistical calculations beyond the basic ones provided in SQL Server 2005?  I’m not using Analysis Services, so what I’m looking for are real SQL User Defined Functions where I can just pass my data to the function and have it return the result within a stored procedure. 
   I’m aware that there may be some third-party statistical packages out there we could purchase, but that’s not what I’m looking for.   And I’m not able to do anything like call Excel’s analysis pack functions from within my stored procedure.   I’ve asked.   They won’t let me do that.   I just need to perform the calculation within the stored procedure and return the result.
   Any suggestions?  Is there a site where people are posting their SQL Server UDF’s to perform statistical functions?  Or are you perhaps aware of something like a free add-in for SQL that will add statistical functions to those available in SQL?   I just don’t want to have to write my own t-test function or my own chi-squared function if someone has already done it.
 Thanks for your help in advance!  Oh, and please let me know if this should have been posted in the TSQL forum instead.  I wasn't entirely sure.
Karen Grube

STATS_T_TEST_
docs.oracle.com/cd/B19306_01/server.102/b14200/functions157.htm 
STATS_T_TEST_ONE: A one-sample t-test
STATS_T_TEST_PAIRED: A two-sample, paired t-test (also known as a crossed t-test)
STATS_T_TEST_INDEP: A t-test of two independent groups with the same variance (pooled variances)
STATS_T_TEST_INDEPU: A t-test of two independent groups with unequal variance (unpooled variances)

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