Can't open links through applications - xdg-open default browser?

Trying to open a link through an application such as Pidgin gives me the following error:
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: firefox: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: mozilla: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: epiphany: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: konqueror: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: chromium-browser: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: google-chrome: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: links2: command not found
/usr/bin/xdg-open: line 478: links: command not found
...and then shows me the following in the terminal: http://gyazo.com/aa5232a846762f42edc95994f8a2a15c
It doesn't even try to open it with Aurora which is what I have set as my default browser in Xfce settings.
xdg-open http://www.google.com produces the same effect.
This only happens since I did a fresh Arch install a few days ago.

There are so many wonderful tools in the *nix community, xdg-open is really not one of them (IMO).  It is drastically overly complex - it's just a really convoluted shell script, open it up in an editor sometime.  This complexity leads to countless situations in which it will produce undesireable behavior.  I may be the least "unix-like" tool on my computer ... or at least it was until I removed it and replaced it with a much simpler version.
Admittedly this is the jumping-ship option.  Or really jumping-ship while tossing a molatov cocktail back to watch the whole ship burn ... but it works.  The skeleton of my replacement script can be found here.  Customize it to your tastes once, then plop it in xdg-open's place and your set.  Just keep a copy around to re-replace xdg-open if/when it gets updated by pacman.

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