Do I have the slowest BROADBAND in the country?

I Live in a 5 bedroom, house, only 8 years old, and a fairly new estate of several hundred houses. I live in a Village but it is Urban all the way to my nearest town Mansfield 5 miles away.
Having checked speedtest.net 15 countries in Africa have average broadband speeds faster than me. South Africa ill take on the chin but Ethiopia and Uganda hurts. It hurts badly. A slight wave of Euphoria hit me when I saw I beat Mozambique by 30kbps on a good day.
I spoke to script woman in Mumbai, many times. It always sounds promsing, I try to skip the off and on trick, scanning my brand new computer for virus's, the usual spiel, one lady promised me she could help. Then (And I am not joking) she tried to dial onto my computer. She struggled to do anything explaining "its a little bit slow for me to connect". Even she seemed frustrated. However, she offered me the following AMAZING deal:
She would send an engineer to my house to fix it, but if it was MY FAULT it was slow, I would have to pay. Does the list of things which are "My fault" include where I live?. I was told I live too far away from the exchange. I insist, the exchange is too far away from me. And the other 2000 people here.
I have had the engineer. He laughed. This is my speed. Nothing can save me.
I cannot watch BBCiplayer. My bandwidth cannot take it. I cannot watch anything on youtube in 720p. And as I have a big house, the fact that this amazing router only allows 4 simultanious connections is appalling. We have more phones than that. No gues can use my wifi.
EVEN WORSE, I have that BT FON activated. Do I seem like the kind of guy that needs to share his internet? Any unsuspecting punter connecting to this would be dragged down with me.
Can I just connect each device in my house using BT FON to different routers in my street? An all out bandwidth attack that makes anything function even slightly and not have to dip into my vast 800kbps? (I say that, I have never EVER seen a download from anywhere show more than 120kbps)
When I read about "infinity" and "lightspeed" I want to cry. By the time I have downloaded my latest BT Bill people will be on BT Telepathy, ill still be sat trying to buffer a repeat of "Have I got news for you".
I have suffered this for nearly 4 years now but I think im going to crack....

Hi. Thanks for your response
Ok here goes. Dont laugh as I assume this doesnt look like what "Normal" people have..
Line state
Connected
Connection time
0 days, 0:20:23
Downstream
544 Kbps
Upstream
635 Kbps
ADSL settings
VPI/VCI
0/38
Type
PPPoA
Modulation
ITU-T G.992.3
Latency type
Interleaved
Noise margin (Down/Up)
4.4 dB / 5.6 dB
Line attenuation (Down/Up)
67.0 dB / 38.3 dB
Output power (Down/Up)
0.0 dBm / 12.9 dBm
From line test you suggested, I have the blistering:
Your connection speed 0.5 mbps
Estimated speed 0.7 mbps  
My wall socket is the only socket in the house I can use for internet. Despite many phone sockets. And it is up on the 3rd floor. Since the router apparently doesnt like sending the signal downwards this also means in my own house in the Kitchen (below) I have no wireless.   The wall socket has two little sockets, one says ADSL on it, the other is for the phone line. I dont use the landline at all, just the one on my moanhub.   What I want to know is, why should I pay the same as someone with 20mbps? Now that web pages are stacked, its as slow as my dial up was years ago.
I found today I could not even view a 420p youtube vid. And why is my upload faster than my download is that normal?   Why is a NEW service, infinity being rolled out, when I can only get this unusable service? Its a smack in the face.
If I were a lone farmhouse I would understand, I am not. This is a new estate of hundreds of houses, there is a guy on my street with a Ferrari!   Oh also, because its in a dip, I dont get much 3G, if I go to the top though, speedtest on my 3G is about twice as fast as my "broad"band.   Best regards   Spence

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