Have to read iMessage on iPad before it appears on iPhone

I have a weird problem with iMessage, where all the message I get sent (as iMessages) don't appear on my iPhone until they have been opened and read on the iPad (obviously synced to the same account). This has happened with all versions of iOS since iMessage came out. As I don't carry the iPad with me all the time, it means I often miss important or urgent messages.
Both devices can have a strong signal on both wifi and 3G and the problem still occurs. This relates to iPhone 4 and iPad 2 3G, both running iOS 5.1
Short of turning iMessage off on the iPad, is there any way to fix this? It's driving me mad!
Thanks

The passcode is coming from the backup file. She must not have removed it as was thought. You will either have to restore the phone as new, or restore to a backup file before the passcode was added. By the way, is this an employer provided phone? If it is, the passcode requirement may be a policy they've implemented.

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