How can I share a calendar with my wife

I got a family mobileme account. We each have our own iPhone. I'd like anyway that allows me to:
1. Put in an appointment on my iPhone
2. That appointment pops up on her iPhone or iCal. I would love it if it popped up as a grayed "invitation" appointment.
How can this happen? I have a gmail account, a MS Exchange account through my work, and we both have mobileme accounts. Somehow, someway, in some place, this has to work, right?
I've been working on this setup for days. It's 3am. Somebody please answer.

This is funny you said that because I was just coming in here to say that I figured out a solution - only to see it was exactly what you put: Spanning Sync.
My wife and I even have two seperate google calendars and this all still works. Google calendar has the blessed ability to be able to fully share calendars. That means, I have a "Work" calendar, which is mine, and a "family" calendar, which I set up to allow my wife to fully use and change. That automatically puts that "Family" calendar in her list.
There can be some kinks to this, tho. If I put something in my iPhone, and I want her to see it in her iPhone, I need to make sure both our computers are on and running all the programs. Yesterday, our internet at our house went down while we were both working. The calendar item I added on mine hadn't shown up because there was a break in the chain-links of sync's.
*In Summary:*
1. Spanning Sync can help do the job.
2. If there's a break in the chain, your syncs won't go through.
3. Doing it this way costs either $120, or $50/year for Spanning Sync licenses.
4. The invitation system still won't go across the way exchange does.
4. It would be much better if Apple would do this in iCal/iPhone.
*What would I ask of Apple?* It would be great if:
1. Apple would allow calendar sharing the way google does.
2. Apple would allow iCal to fully sync with Google Calendar so we don't have to pay ($12020 for my wife and I) to use a 3rd party app to do it.

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